NPR

A young Sydney woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Harbour.
Just before she could throw herself off Circular Quay, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italytomorrow.
I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain "This is the Manly Ferry .."

From Reddit, I think:

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

A: With an itheberg.

A guy yells to a stranger across the river, "I need to get to the other side." The stranger yells back... "You are on the other side."

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher but no one ever mentions his sister, Onya.. the inventor of the starting pistol...

Munch wrote: ↑Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:30 pm A guy yells to a stranger across the river, "I need to get to the other side." The stranger yells back... "You are on the other side."

In that vein.

You are seated at an outdoor table in your favourite bar when someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn to look and he realises his mistake, saying "I thought you were someone else".
You tell him "I am someone else".

I went to donate sperm the other day and the nurse asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet"

Kiwias wrote: ↑Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:47 am

Munch wrote: ↑Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:30 pm A guy yells to a stranger across the river, "I need to get to the other side." The stranger yells back... "You are on the other side."

In that vein.

You are seated at an outdoor table in your favourite bar when someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn to look and he realises his mistake, saying "I thought you were someone else".
You tell him "I am someone else".

I'm using that.

Munch wrote: ↑Wed Jul 22, 2020 4:04 pm

Kiwias wrote: ↑Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:47 am

Munch wrote: ↑Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:30 pm A guy yells to a stranger across the river, "I need to get to the other side." The stranger yells back... "You are on the other side."

In that vein.

You are seated at an outdoor table in your favourite bar when someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn to look and he realises his mistake, saying "I thought you were someone else".
You tell him "I am someone else".

I'm using that.

I've done it quite often and the reactions are priceless.

Kiwias wrote: ↑Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:47 am

Munch wrote: ↑Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:30 pm A guy yells to a stranger across the river, "I need to get to the other side." The stranger yells back... "You are on the other side."

In that vein.

You are seated at an outdoor table in your favourite bar when someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn to look and he realises his mistake, saying "I thought you were someone else".
You tell him "I am someone else".

some years after school I'd bump into old school mates while out and about, having not seem them in some time...

"I've not seen you in ages!"

"Yeah, I know, I've been avoiding you"

Came as a massive surprise to me to hear Yule Brynner was actually a massive Liverpool fan.


Also learned he never wore aftershave.


Yule never wore cologne.

whats green and invisible?

If a pencil is rolling down hill is it still stationary?

If you forget to pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?

What a difference a font choice can make

Can't think of any boat jokes....


Canoe?

Yes, there is a vegetarian option.


You can fuck off.

©Jimmy Car

Thought that was Frankie Boyle.

A man wakes up from a coma.
His doctor asks him what he remembers.

"All I remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband.
She had a beautiful cleavage and I couldn't stop staring at it.
She then looked at me and told me...
"Can you please press one?".

Skeleton walks into a bar.

"Pint of bitter please, and a mop"..

Ah! I initially read the "Jake thread"!


Sorry...


That was the joke.

C69 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 24, 2020 12:13 pm Can't think of any boat jokes....


Canoe?

If you know any better fisherman pun, let minnow.

Had to buy my pet duck a face mask today.
Nothing fancy but it fits the bill.

16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar
Followed by
Batman

Enzedder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 5:04 am 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar
Followed by
Batman

This joke works better if spoken out loud - Q. what is small, brown , and smells of poo ?











A. Christopher Robin’s dick

Zig wrote: ↑Wed Jul 22, 2020 9:54 am I went to donate sperm the other day and the nurse asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

I said "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet"

That’s a prize winner

A priest, a minster, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."

7 dwarves in a shower all feeling happy.

Then happy walked out so they all started feeling grumpy instead.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank, the rabbit says I think I'm a type O

Enzedder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 5:04 am 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar
Followed by
Batman

Don’t get it

Openside wrote: ↑Sat Aug 08, 2020 9:02 am

Enzedder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 5:04 am 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar
Followed by
Batman

Don’t get it 🙈

Chemical symbol for sodium is Na. So it’s na na na na (and some more) Batmaaaaaan!

ScarfaceClaw wrote: ↑Sat Aug 08, 2020 9:05 am

Openside wrote: ↑Sat Aug 08, 2020 9:02 am

Enzedder wrote: ↑Wed Jul 29, 2020 5:04 am 16 Sodium atoms walk into a bar
Followed by
Batman

Don’t get it

Chemical symbol for sodium is Na. So it’s na na na na (and some more) Batmaaaaaan!

Aah very good

A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"

tabascoboy wrote: ↑Sat Aug 08, 2020 3:52 pm A blowfly goes into a bar and asks: "Is that stool taken?"

Yuk - but I laughed

Things to never say in a gay bar..
"Excuse me, may I push your stool up a bit"...

Alright already. Can this thread get back on track please?

When John Hopoate was sacked by the Tigers after the finger up the bum scandal, he took a part time job at a bar...












pushing in stools... ( sorry)