What is your identity?

Where goats go to escape
Post Reply
User avatar
Hugo
Posts: 1185
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:27 pm

In this modern era people are more acutely aware of their identity than ever before, whether it is defined by race, class, nationality, gender, sexual orientation or any other form. Identity is a major driving force in politics and also social discourse.

What would you say is your primary identity? It's something that I have personally been pondering long and hard over the course of 2020 and I have yet to land on the one definitive identity that usurps all others.

I'm white but so are zillions of people in countries I have never visited and have nothing in common with so that's out the window.

I'm English but out and out nationalism has always been a tad limiting in my estimation, its a bit too tribal for my tastebuds. Moreover, I have a decent amount of Celtic blood (from my Dad's side of the family) so I've never been all in on the Englishness front and I'm not one of those "I'm Scottish because my grandmother is from Edinburgh" types either.

In terms of political ideology, I'm right wing on some issues, left wing on others so nailing down a hard and fast political ID is pretty much impossible. Also, I've never really seen the point in political partisanship.

In religious terms I'm Church of England by upbringing and I do embrace that but I'm very moderate/secular about how I observe my religion so it's not something I make a fuss about.

Sexual orientation and gender seem pretty pointless as determinants of identity. I'm male and heterosexual but it's silly to make a song & dance about that imo.

What I arrived at was that when's all said and done, about the best way of identifying someone is imo by looking at their passions, hobbies and pastimes. The things you do in your spare time give a much clearer insight into who you really are as a person. Even stuff like your record collection would be more enlightening. The race, religion, gender stuff seems pretty superficial by comparison but I'd be curious to know if people feel differently.
User avatar
mat the expat
Posts: 1456
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 11:12 pm

Human, resident of the 3rd planet in the Solar System
User avatar
Saint
Posts: 2274
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:38 am

I'm always puzzled when people try to force me to pigeon hole me in some form. I genuinely don't think in these terms
User avatar
Dan54
Posts: 715
Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2020 3:11 am

That's a thing I ahve kind of thought about . In NZ for intance a lot of people of maori heritage call consider themselves Tangata Whenua, kind of meaning the original people of the land, and I descrabed myself as Pakeha Whenua, I am a pakeha who identifies himself with being a NZer and nothing else. I know I have ancestors from ireland, England etc etc, but don't in anyway think I identify with any of those countries.
I suppose I am Anglican, but not particularly religous or otherwise.
Also with politics, probably first 30-40 years of life would indentify myself as a Labour voter , but then maybe a little more right wing. One thing I do really believe we need all sides of politics to get balance as I don't think there is one party I can think of I would want ruling without having to answer to opposition in some form whether they are from laft, right are greenies,etc etc.
Try my hardest to see other people's point of view and from experience know that trying to run/organise anything whether it rugby, cricket, education etc , there are always plenty of people who think they know a lot more than the ones running it, and usually are people who don't really do all that much to actually make things better.
So to some up I am a NZer (and probably more one eyed than I should be), I enjoy sport in general, but rugby has been my primary sport for about 60 years (too young before that) followed by cricket , have been involved Coaching, managing and administrating rugby and pottered around a bit in junior cricket. Hack my way a little on gold course, but am not and never will be much good or interested in much more than 9 holes. Music my first love is Blues from the 1930s until now have alswys enjoyed it even before I knew what blues music was, also like folk as well (actually think I like most original music from countires) as more mainstream rock , but nothing apart from heavy/thrash metal would ever be dismissed.
main things in life that piss me off is lack of respect for others, find it hard to talk to racists, homophobics and anyone who rubbishes anyone elses opinions.
Probably I am a boring middle of the road person that is never going to change world. Ans would add my one belief is whanau comes first.
User avatar
FujiKiwi
Posts: 3666
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 2:30 am

A huge part of my identity is my career. I’m sure most people are the same. I’m a high school English teacher.
User avatar
Kiwias
Posts: 6844
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:44 am

My adult life can be divided cleanly into two parts, which largely determine my identity.

Part I: 20 ~ 50 when I was drinking and was a flat-out hard-core alcoholic, lying constantly to all the people near to me and treating them like shit, and maintaining distance from everyone else, meaning I never built any close friendships and destroyed the ones I already had.

Part II: From 11 January 2004, when I admitted my alcoholism, started attending a support group, and swore to maintain my sobriety for the rest of my life. This required a journey of self-discovery that hurt deeply for much of the time but opened my heart to my family and helped restore relationships I had thought far past being able to be rebuilt. I have been blessed with a loving and supporting wife, a big-hearted and generous son and now three utterly gorgeous grandchildren who will never see their granddad as the despicable, abusive person he becomes when drunk.

Life in Part II is good.
User avatar
Ymx
Posts: 8557
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:03 pm

No offence kiwias, but you should be self defined by more than not abusing a substance. I appreciate the significance of the change however. More so as I’ve binned drinking too, due to a heavy dependence on it.
User avatar
FujiKiwi
Posts: 3666
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 2:30 am

Yeah but we’re defined by tons of things. Not just one. I think Kiwias being an over comer of his demons and being a man with a fresh start would make sense as a source identity for him. Or part of it.
User avatar
Insane_Homer
Posts: 5389
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 3:14 pm
Location: Leafy Surrey

Earthling, part-time asshole.
“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true.”
User avatar
tabascoboy
Posts: 6474
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:22 am
Location: 曇りの街

Otaku
User avatar
Ymx
Posts: 8557
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:03 pm

FujiKiwi wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:41 am Yeah but we’re defined by tons of things. Not just one. I think Kiwias being an over comer of his demons and being a man with a fresh start would make sense as a source identity for him. Or part of it.
Fair enough. A crusader against the evils of alcoholism would be one of his bullet points. Just don’t think it should be his only one, and perhaps not his top one.

But then again, who am I to tell him how he should view himself
GogLais
Posts: 2472
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2020 7:06 pm
Location: Wirral/Cilgwri

Having got to 70+ I suppose society defines me by my age now, whether I like it or not.
User avatar
Kawazaki
Posts: 4795
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 8:25 am

Lemoentjie
Posts: 642
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 10:11 am

I was assigned male at birth, but I became:

Image
User avatar
Kiwias
Posts: 6844
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:44 am

Ymx wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:35 am No offence kiwias, but you should be self defined by more than not abusing a substance. I appreciate the significance of the change however. More so as I’ve binned drinking too, due to a heavy dependence on it.
My explanation was a little light. My sobriety is the bedrock of my life, enabling all the good things that have happened and that I have achieved, so in that sense being sober is core to my identity.

For me, it is far more than just not abusing alcohol; it is about reclaiming my life and identity, and giving myself a chance to live a decent life.
Last edited by Kiwias on Mon Jan 04, 2021 2:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Kiwias
Posts: 6844
Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2020 1:44 am

Ymx wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:54 am
FujiKiwi wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:41 am Yeah but we’re defined by tons of things. Not just one. I think Kiwias being an over comer of his demons and being a man with a fresh start would make sense as a source identity for him. Or part of it.
Fair enough. A crusader against the evils of alcoholism would be one of his bullet points. Just don’t think it should be his only one, and perhaps not his top one.

But then again, who am I to tell him how he should view himself
As I explained in my earlier answer, being sober is the top one because everything else flows from that.
User avatar
Niegs
Posts: 3390
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2020 3:20 pm

Lemoentjie wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 11:28 am I was assigned male at birth, but I became:

Image
Oh, you're Apache? I'm part Kiowa!

Image
User avatar
Guy Smiley
Posts: 6014
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 7:52 pm

Kiwias wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 11:50 am
Ymx wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:54 am
FujiKiwi wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 10:41 am Yeah but we’re defined by tons of things. Not just one. I think Kiwias being an over comer of his demons and being a man with a fresh start would make sense as a source identity for him. Or part of it.
Fair enough. A crusader against the evils of alcoholism would be one of his bullet points. Just don’t think it should be his only one, and perhaps not his top one.

But then again, who am I to tell him how he should view himself
As I explained in my earlier answer, being sober is the top one because everything else flows from that.
Anyone managing to overcome a heavy habit or addiction to a behaviour influencing substance like alcohol is bound to experience quite a profound shift in their perceptions... of everything. Your whole life has to change as a result because your perceptions change. Our awareness of self is a massively understated aspect of our lives and it’s not a finite phenomenon. We start out as kids with no real self awareness, that develops as we grow. For some, that development will stall at various stages and a limited self awareness will result. For others, the pursuit of self awareness will become a goal in itself. I have friends who have practised meditation for years... their awareness of themselves and their world is far removed from what it was when we were all hitting the piss and charging around South Canterbury like mad bastards.

I think people like Kiwias, who take on the challenge of confronting their own behaviour through addiction deserve a massive pat on the back. There’s a whole universe of awakenings that can follow... and I hate the whole ‘personal journey’ sort of language that gets bandied about but it’s hard to avoid the theme of discovery that permeates this kind of endeavour.


What’s my identity? Bugger that... what the fuck is my consciousness and where does it end?
User avatar
Hal Jordan
Posts: 4154
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 12:48 pm
Location: Sector 2814

I'm Brian and so's my wife.
yermum
Posts: 546
Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2020 3:15 pm

I am a meat popsicle.
Flockwitt
Posts: 882
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:58 am

Hugo wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 12:34 am What I arrived at was that when's all said and done, about the best way of identifying someone is imo by looking at their passions, hobbies and pastimes. The things you do in your spare time give a much clearer insight into who you really are as a person. Even stuff like your record collection would be more enlightening. The race, religion, gender stuff seems pretty superficial by comparison but I'd be curious to know if people feel differently.
FFS, if you want to say you're a nerd and trainspotter out with it! No need to beat around the bush or require a thousand mile run up. We're all empathic understanding types here.
LandOTurk
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 12:44 am
Location: Florida

I don't think you can tie your identity to one or a few things.

I am male Welsh hetero generally left wing economic, right wing social religious. Of my inner circle of friends (about 6) not 1 identifies exactly on all 5 of these points.

It reminds me of a lengthy youtube vid I saw (but now can't find).

It was a little bit like this one: https://www.fastcompany.com/3063674/wat ... na-results

But the most interesting bit was when they asked people to segregate by nation or skin colour etc. Then asked them to segregate by circumstance or hobby e.g. what sport do you like? who lost a parent when still a child? whose parent's divorced as a child? who has had cancer? who plays a musical instrument? who speaks multiple languages? who likes to cook? Who is unemployed? who has been to jail? who is gay? who suffers from depression? Then the barriers came down because these people could relate to each other better than if you are just two Brits once you peel the first layer away. And it was a strong emotional way to describe how we are complex pieces that make up our whole that does not mean you can identify into a small number of boxes.

If anyone can find the full vid that would be great. Cheers,
LandOTurk
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 12:44 am
Location: Florida

Kawazaki wrote: Sat Jan 02, 2021 11:11 am
In real life, Leslie Nielsen's mother was Welsh born and emigrated to Canada.
Gypo Jenkins
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 6:34 pm

Back in the days when town and city centres were populated, I'd take a seat at the window of a cafe or bar, a bite to eat, something to swill it down with and just watch the diversity of passers by, all of whom i'd imagine as having a speech bubble hovering over them saying... "This is who I think I am" as they strode on by.

Identity is a strange thing, for me it is a bit like peeling an onion because it quickly becomes a question of where do you draw the line? I guess you have to stop somewhere before every label is discarded, there's no onion left and you begin to realise that the further down that hole you go, the more likely you are to determine that beyond the tags, nobody really knows who they are.
Gentlemen, I have a confession to make. Half of what we have taught you is in error, and furthermore we cannot tell you which half it is
User avatar
MungoMan
Posts: 485
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:53 pm
Location: Coalfalls

I identify as [Firstname (shortened version)] [Lastname] or [Firstname ] [Middlename] [Lastname] as appropriate to the circumstances. I may also give my date of birth and address.

To date this has been a tactical success.
User avatar
mat the expat
Posts: 1456
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 11:12 pm

MungoMan wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 11:06 pm I identify as [Firstname (shortened version)] [Lastname] or [Firstname ] [Middlename] [Lastname] as appropriate to the circumstances. I may also give my date of birth and address.

To date this has been a tactical success.
With an "o" on the end?
User avatar
Jimmy Smallsteps
Posts: 914
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 8:24 pm
Location: Auckland

mat the expat wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 11:19 pm
MungoMan wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 11:06 pm I identify as [Firstname (shortened version)] [Lastname] or [Firstname ] [Middlename] [Lastname] as appropriate to the circumstances. I may also give my date of birth and address.

To date this has been a tactical success.
With an "o" on the end?
If not an 'o', then almost certainly a 'y'.
User avatar
Enzedder
Posts: 3575
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 6:55 pm
Location: Hamilton NZ

My identity is not knowing my identity, not caring that I don't know my identity because it really doesn't matter to anyone but me - and I don't care.
I drink and I forget things.
Gumboot
Posts: 8024
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 9:17 am

User avatar
FujiKiwi
Posts: 3666
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 2:30 am

I’m a boredie. Since 2012.
User avatar
Hugo
Posts: 1185
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 7:27 pm

LandOTurk wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 4:00 am I don't think you can tie your identity to one or a few things.

I am male Welsh hetero generally left wing economic, right wing social religious. Of my inner circle of friends (about 6) not 1 identifies exactly on all 5 of these points.

It reminds me of a lengthy youtube vid I saw (but now can't find).

It was a little bit like this one: https://www.fastcompany.com/3063674/wat ... na-results

But the most interesting bit was when they asked people to segregate by nation or skin colour etc. Then asked them to segregate by circumstance or hobby e.g. what sport do you like? who lost a parent when still a child? whose parent's divorced as a child? who has had cancer? who plays a musical instrument? who speaks multiple languages? who likes to cook? Who is unemployed? who has been to jail? who is gay? who suffers from depression? Then the barriers came down because these people could relate to each other better than if you are just two Brits once you peel the first layer away. And it was a strong emotional way to describe how we are complex pieces that make up our whole that does not mean you can identify into a small number of boxes.

If anyone can find the full vid that would be great. Cheers,
Thanks for that, that's a really insightful observation, identity is heavily influenced by experience.

As far as the friends go I'm with you on that, I have friends on the left and right and my views don't perfectly align with anyone's.
User avatar
MungoMan
Posts: 485
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 9:53 pm
Location: Coalfalls

mat the expat wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 11:19 pm
MungoMan wrote: Sun Jan 03, 2021 11:06 pm I identify as [Firstname (shortened version)] [Lastname] or [Firstname ] [Middlename] [Lastname] as appropriate to the circumstances. I may also give my date of birth and address.

To date this has been a tactical success.
With an "o" on the end?
Not quite. My abbreviated first name ends with a sibilant. OTOH, the last syllable of my last name sounds like ‘o’, so I scrape thru’ the Strayanness test.
Slick
Posts: 11909
Joined: Tue Jun 30, 2020 2:58 pm

I don't really understand the question
All the money you made will never buy back your soul
User avatar
Torquemada 1420
Posts: 11133
Joined: Thu Jul 02, 2020 8:22 am
Location: Hut 8

I'm........... complicated.
User avatar
Un Pilier
Posts: 700
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2020 9:22 am

Solid bloke most of the time. Lots of friends. Life and soul and stuff.

BUT! Getting less tolerant by the day and it’s always been best not to piss me off, really.
User avatar
lemonhead
Posts: 568
Joined: Mon Jun 29, 2020 8:11 pm

Blunderer.

Though over time have learned to pick up the things I've knocked over.
Post Reply